Conversation Guide: Managing Stress

Yes. Afghan people who are forced to leave their country and start over in a new place have great strength and bravery. It is also a very difficult thing to do.
Most Afghan people arriving in the U.S. have experienced very difficult things. These can include but are not limited to war, violence, being separated from loved ones, displacement and poverty. They also may have left behind academic achievements, careers that took many years to build, personal belongings, assets, and earnings.
It is common for people who have experienced these things to have feelings like fear, anger, sadness and sorrow at the same time that they feel relieved or glad to be safe.
 

Starting over in a new place is very hard. People must learn a language, get a job, develop new connections, and figure out how things work in the U.S. This is very stressful. 

Stress is the feeling of being overwhelmed with worry because of a difficult situation. People can feel stress emotionally and physically. Stress can change how people think, feel and act. 

An emotional feeling of stress can be worrying a lot, unexplained feelings of panic, or having no desire to engage in hobbies or activities. People with stress might also have bad memories or feel a sense of deep sadness. 

A physical feeling of stress can be difficulty breathing, sleep problems, or changes in appetite. 

There are things people can do to improve how they feel physically and emotionally and help them take care of their responsibilities.
 

Good sleep protects people from stress. Try to sleep at the same time each day and wake up at the same time. A sleep routine makes it easier to manage emotions. This can help people have more patience and help them deal with difficulties in their relationships, with work, or at school.

Enjoy unsweetened herbal or ginger tea instead of kahwah, chai, black tea or green tea in the evenings to help with sleep. Instead of tea, you can simply use boiled water and add cardamom, connecting to the Afghan tradition while enjoying a caffeine-free option. You can also drink boiled water infused with herbs and spices like ginger as a soothing alternative.

Drinking eight glasses of water every day helps people’s bodies and brain function properly.

People who move their bodies every day for at least 15 minutes can reduce stress and improve their sleep and mood. This includes walks with their families, stretching, or Attan dancing.

People who do pleasurable activities with people they care about are better protected from stress.

• Play games that are popular in Afghanistan, like chess. 
• Practice embroidery or other activities that are calming.
• Listen to music or read with children and friends.  
• Continue the Afghan tradition of eating healthy home cooked meals at home, together with family. 
• Connect with other Afghans in your neighborhood or who attend your mosque. Consider hosting gatherings with your new friends or having a picnic.
   

Breathing slowly and deeply is one of the best ways to lower stress and it doesn’t take much time. Breathe in through your nose while counting to three and breathe out through your mouth while counting to five. It is common to do this while doing other activities, such as praying, reading, or cooking.

Celebrate Afghan culture, honor loved ones back home, and relieve stress by making and flying kites.

Kite flying is a great way to combine many strategies that help us with our health and mood. Use kite flying to spend time with family and friends and move your body. You can also use kite flying as an opportunity to practice breathing slowly and deeply.

Create a routine with kite flying by practicing the activity at the same time every week or month. 
 

Sometimes managing stress is not enough and people may want or need more support. Sometimes it can be helpful for people to:

• Talk to a doctor or counselor about what they are feeling 
• Join a group with people experiencing the same types of things 
• Reach out to imams, mullahs, religious scholars, or community leaders
• Contact their caseworkers or resettlement agency 
   

People may want to reach out for more support if they notice that for several weeks they are consistently:

• Having difficulty going to school or work.
• Having difficulty taking care of themselves or their family.
• Noticing that their mood or emotions are getting worse over time.
• Sleeping very little or sleeping a lot
• Crying frequently or feeling sad or worried for most of the day every day.
• Feeling angry or irritable, or having angry outbursts.
• Not leaving home or avoiding spending time with loved ones.
• Having bad memories or nightmares that make it hard to do things they want or need to do.
• feeling that they can't feel emotion or connect with other people.
• Doing harmful things like drinking too much alcohol, doing street drugs, or getting in fights.
• Feeling very tired all the time or having body pain like headaches or stomach aches that are not due to a physical health issue

Anyone who feels life is not worth living or if someone is having thoughts about harming themselves, they should call 988 or 1-800-273-8255 right away.

Children and teens who have been forced to leave their country have been through difficult and often scary events. Difficult events and moving to a new country can change how children and teens think, feel and act. 

Young children often do not have the words to express how they feel so they often express their emotions with behaviors. Young children might:

• Have trouble sleeping, have nightmares, or wet the bed.
• Behave more aggressively 
• Behave as if they are younger than they really are 
• Have stomach aches or headaches 
• Be afraid to separate from a parent or caregiver 
• Be unable to calm themselves if they are upset 
• Stay focused on past scary events by acting them out 
   

If your child behaves inappropriately or gets upset:

• Stay calm and help them identify their emotions.  
• Tell them about better ways to express their feelings. 
• Remind children about what works best to calm them down. 
   

Children are resilient and with love, support and consistency, they can heal and adjust to their new environment.

Because parents and caregivers know and love their child, they are in the best position to help their child heal from past events, manage worries, and adjust to a new home. Even when parents cannot fix things, being there for their children, showing them love, paying attention, being patient, and listening helps them feel safe and connected. Ways to support young children include:

• Spend time together doing familiar things like flying a kite, playing chess, or singing a song. 
• Tell your child when you need to go away for a short while and when you will be back. 
• Keep them away from frightening images on TV and social media. 
• Let children talk about what happened to them or their feelings by talking, drawing, or acting. 
• Help them understand that their feelings are normal.  
   

Children and teens who have been forced to leave their country have been through difficult and often scary events. Difficult events and moving to a new country can change how children and teens think, feel and act. 

Teens might have difficulty putting how they are feeling into words or may feel shame, guilt or confusion about their feelings. 

Teens might:

• Worry about their safety and the safety of their friends and family
• Stay focused on past scary events by talking about it, drawing it, or worrying about it.
• Have trouble concentrating or remembering things
• Feel irritable, angry or sad
• Want to be alone a lot
• Have stomach aches and headaches
• Sleep too much or too little 
   

• Calmly remind them of rules and consequences.
• Talk to them later about what helps calm them down and manage their feelings.
• Work with teens to identify activities or groups, like sports or clubs, where they can express themselves and make friends.
   

Teens are resilient and with love, support and consistency, they can heal and adjust to their new environment.

Because parents and caregivers know and love their teen, they are in the best position to help them heal from past events, manage worries, and adjust to a new home. Even when parents cannot fix things, being there for their teens, showing them love, paying attention, being patient, and listening helps them feel safe and connected. 

Ways to support teens include:

• Spend time together doing familiar things like flying a kite or playing chess.
• Tell teens that this process is hard and you are there to support them.
• Ask teens questions about their day or about their experience with resettlement and listen to their answers.
• Help teens understand that their feelings are normal. 
   

Children and teens may need more help if they:

• Have problems with their mood, behavior, or physical health that do not improve with time
• Have trouble regaining a skill they previously learned
• Are involved in harmful behavior like alcohol, drugs, or gangs
• Talk about harming themselves or others
   

Parents can get more help from their child’s doctor, school, caseworker, or a counselor.